I write a lot about turn-ons, and how to get noticed, and how to attract and appeal to someone of the opposite sex. But today I’m going to take some time out of my busy blogging schedule to talk about the thing guys do that can really turn off a woman. And that thing is wear too much cologne.

I think the problem is that girls who wear perfume often read magazines that tell them exactly how to apply it: a spritz on the wrists, a spritz on the neck, and that’s it. Enough so that the people who get within 6 inches of you realize you smell kind of nice, but the people who get into an elevator you’ve been in remain blissfully unaware.

GUYS, however, usually get their first bottle of cologne around the age of 16 or 17, with no instructions on how to use it. So they bathe in it. And unless someone gently corrects them at some point, they enter adulthood with the exact same strategy.

I’ve seen a guy spray the air with a cloud of cologne, and then walk through it.

I’ve seen a guy apply a continuous spray back and forth over his chest as if it were tanning spray.

I’ve seen a guy count up to 10 requisite spritzes.

To put it another way: if someone can’t walk into a bathroom without coughing after you’ve put on your cologne, you’re wearing too much. An extra spritz can be the difference between a subtle surprise when she gets close, and a headache-inducing invisible shield of smell when you try to approach her in a bar.

“But I don’t use Axe! I use nice stuff! I use Acqua di Gio, I use Tom Ford!” you might be thinking.

It doesn’t matter what you use, if you use too much of it.

So gentlemen, in the absence of all the mothers and fathers girlfriends who have failed to correct you up to this point, let me be perfectly clear:

A spritz on the wrists.

A spritz on the neck.

And then put the bottle down.

[The big, and possibly only exception to this rule is for Curve For Men, admittedly the world's cheapest and cheesiest cologne (a favorite of 14 year old gangsters everywhere!), but also the best smelling thing on earth. Not even kidding. Ask your girlfriends. ]

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