Marie Barlow was a popular cosmetics brand in the 1920s, so I’m making an uneducated guess that the term comes from there. Also, if you ever write a novel or screenplay set in the 1920s, you should probably name your flapper heroine “____ Barlow” ’cause it sounds amazing with any first name. Helen Barlow. Frances Barlow. Evelyn Barlow.

ex: Hey Elmer, lets head to the Clover Club and pick up some barlows!

2. Bank’s Closed: No kissing allowed, no funny business.

This one is definitely my favorite, and totally applicable to modern life.

ex. Sorry dude: I’m hungover, I have 3 loads of laundry to do, and Extreme Couponing is on. The bank is closed.

3. Barneymugging: Sex

Is this the worst slang word for sex in history? Possibly.

Ex: After the movie, the couple went home and engaged in some barneymu….

Can’t even use it in a fake sentence.

4. Boob Tickler: Girl who entertains father’s out-of-town customers.

I am horrified for my Great-Grandmothers right now.

Ex. Ugh, I’d LOVE to grab dinner, Myrtle, but my dad’s colleagues are in town and I’m on boob-tickling duty.

5. Canceled Stamp: A wallflower

Not even sure what a canceled stamp is exactly, and yet this phrase perfectly explains the more unromantic aspects of being a wallflower.

Ex: What’s even the point of going to the bar with Lillian when she just stands against the wall like a canceled stamp and refuses to talk to anyone?

6. Dingle-Dangler: One who insists on telephoning

Was calling someone as annoying in the 1920s as it is now?

Ex: ARGHHHH Chester is such a Dingle-Dangler, has he never heard of TEXT MESSAGING?!

7. Duck’s Quack: the best thing ever.

Oh please, please, please can we make “duck’s quack” happen? If we all work together, please?

Ex: I think you are just the duck’s quack.

8. Flatwheeler: a guy who’s broke and takes his dates to free things only.

Not that there’s anything wrong with this, but…

Ex. After a date to the park, a book reading, and dinner at his Mom’s, Bertha started to suspect that Willie was a bit of a flatwheeler.

9. Goofy: to be in love with.

This one is adorable.

ex: I’m totally goofy about Agnes!

10. Umbrella: A young man anyone can borrow for the evening.

Yes! An umbrella! In 2020, “umbrellas” are often gay friends, and always up to be last-minute plus-ones for work parties, movies, plays, or anything requiring a companion while a girl is in between boyfriends.

Ex. Are you bringing anyone to the Hamptons party? I was thinking I’d just take my umbrella, Clyde, since he loves the beach so much.


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