Actually, this bed is perfect if your partner is just too wild in bed. Enough with the crazy positions, already! Just LIE THERE.


Do you love scaring the shit out of the person you take home for a one night romp? Sure, we all do!


Plus: What Your Favorite Cereal Says About You To A One Night Stand

This bed is actually a “surround sound” bed, surrounding its inhabitants with speakers.

I am so turned on right now. NSFW! NSFW!


Your date will feel so safe, he/she will definitely want to f*ck you with reckless abandon.


The freakiest part about this isn’t the bed, it’s the bedroom. Who has mustard cutouts on their wall? And is that… a gigantic napkin holder I see? This person is probably a serial killer!


Plus: Real-Life “Sleeping Beauties” Vow To Marry Whoever Wakes Them

The upside about having his bed is that your boudoir partner will never leave, awww  yeah, wink wink, amirite?

The downside is that they will never leave.


If your date is confused about why you have a shark sleeping bag for a bed, I don’t think the two of you are compatible. Because I mean, what is wrong with your date? What a dolt.


If your love is like a roller coaster, baby. Hope nobody vomits.


Plus: 5 Games For Date Night That Could Very Well Lead To Sex

This bed would be fun to have sex in, but might cause anxiety for sleepwalkers. I suppose the solution is: just have sex. No sleeping allowed.


If you’re one of those people who ONLY gets turned on by cheeseburgers, this bed is SCREAMING  your name. It’s also screaming your name if you’re one of those people who will ONLY have sex with cheeseburgers.


I’m not even going to say anything.