Public Displays of Affection (or PDAs, as they’re commonly referred to) have long been a controversial issue. Some people are offended by PDAs categorically, some are only put-off by PDAs in certain environments or situations. Couples who wish to express their love physically whenever the fancy strikes them might feel put-upon by the prudish attitudes of potential on-lookers. These passers-by might argue that it’s not “prudish” to expect a modicum of politeness. And so on. The battle over whether or not to “get a room,” continues to rage.

My argument is essentially the same as when I was a 7th grader fighting for my right to get hugs from 8th grade girls in the hallway: You can’t stop it, Mr. Sachs!

People are going to continue to kiss, hug, hold hands and make out in public. There may, however, be certain compromises that might help keep the peace between the opposing forces. Allow me to suggest a few common sense guidelines for the PDA-oriented that might help the anti-PDA crowd feel a bit more comfortable without sacrificing your God-given freedoms.

1. Not in front of kids

“Think of the children! Think of the CHILDREN!!!” You’re never gonna win on this one, gropey couples. Holding hands, a peck on the lips — totally fine. But, take a look around and make sure there’s not any little ones watching before you start totally sucking face.

2. Not where people are eating

Personally there’s not a whole lot that’s going to stop me from chowing down when I’m hungry, but some people get a little grossed out if there’s a tongue down a throat in their general vicinity. If you really can’t wait until after dinner, limiting your PDAs to footsie under the table is the polite thing to do.

3. Not when you’re a couple hanging out with one other friend

They already feel like a third wheel. No need to drive the point home by showing them just how freaky you’d be getting if they weren’t there.

4. Don’t block a path

If you’re making out and in you’re IN SOMEONE’S WAY, you’re just making responsible Public Displayers of Affection look bad. Be a part of the solution, guys and don’t grope each other in a doorway.

5. In the club, all bets are off

In a crowded club, with the music pumping and the Henny flowing (or whatever), do whatever you want. Drunkenly firing back “YOU get a room!” at naysayers is also acceptable.

6. In a taxi is perfectly acceptable

Yeah, yeah your cab driver might feel uncomfortable, but that’s PART OF THE GIG. As long as your clothes stay on and you tip well, you’re fine.

7. Avoid straddling

That’s not a PDA, that’s a lap dance and there’s a time and a place (Place: a strip club, Time: When money has changed hands). If you’re both sitting on a motorcycle, however, straddling is totally cool.

What side of the PDA argument are you on? Think I’m being too lax, or not lax enough? Let us know.

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