Man, do I love a clever dating metaphor. Especially when I’m surprised by where I find it. So, it goes without saying that I particularly loved finding this gem in college student Juila Shumway’s column in The Mormon Times.

Shumway noticed what she reffered to as a “transportation metaphor” during her recent travels to the Dominican Republic:

“One of the only non-ideal features of my stay was transportation. We got around using two different forms of private transportation: motoconchos and guaguas. A motoconcho is a motorcycle that takes passengers like a taxi service, and a guagua is a mini-bus that looks like it was donated to the National Kidney Foundation and compounded, and then hammered back into shape and held together with duct tape and cardboard. And then filled with chickens for good measure.”

So, you got your guaguas which, even though they don’t look like much, are relatively stable and the obvious way to travel if you value your safety.

And then you’ve got your motoconchos.

Fast, rickety, threatening to teeter over at every turn. Unless they’re what you grew up around, they look like certain death machines. Terrifying.

Guaguas are, of course, the preferred mode of transport. It’s a safer ride and there’s a whole bunch of other people riding with you, confirming your choice. The guaguas will only pick you up in certain designated places, though. So if you find yourself on some remote and treacherous road, like Shumway did — you’re screwed.

“[We found ourselves on] a break-neck winding mountain road, hours away from where we were staying, [with] a few motoconcho drivers assuring us that they’d get us safely where we needed to go,” Shumway relates, “We stopped at a shop to ask how we could get to our guagua stop. The shopkeeper told us that, of course, the motoconchos were the way to go. We went humbly back to the motoconcho drivers who were still willing to take our money in exchange for a very scenic ride.”

Shumway goes on to tie the whole thing to dating in a slightly different way than I’m going to. Here’s my take. The guaguas are the stable, long-term relationships that so many people are looking for. The unpredictable motoconcho? That’s dating.

Many singles are waiting for the guagua to come when they’re not at the guagua stop, if you feel me. They’re up on some winding, mountain road. Maybe the mountain road represents their habits, their issues or just their preference, but there they are. Single and not in a place where they can get into a real relationship from. If they’re going to get where they want to go, they’re going to have to cross their fingers and get on a motoconcho. They should, of course, exercise caution in their choice of motoconcho. If the driver is visibly drunk, for example, you’re better off walking until you find one that you like better. But, the point is that even though the motoconcho might look like it’s going to fall apart, you have to believe it will get you where you’re going and take the ride.

Dating might only serve to get you to the nearest guagua stop and that’s great. But you may find that, though it’s more precarious, you actually like riding the motoconcho. And you can keep riding it as long as it suits your particular needs.

Everybody still with me, here? Is anybody still with me here?