He Said/She Said: How Many Dates Does It Take To Make Up Your Mind About Someone?by Chiara Atik on August 24, 2020
Date Report blogger Chiara has long advocated her one-date rule, which states that basically anyone who wants to go out with you deserves a chance, even if it’s just a quick drink or cup of coffee. Then, if the date doesn’t pan out, you never have to see the person again.
But our ever-opinionated Brady Tripp thinks a first date isn’t enough to really judge someone.
So we had Brady and Chiara write up a little He Said/She Said debate over second dates.
He Said: The Second Date Is Really The First
I like your one-date-for-all rule: it’s very democratic. However, if you’re finding that it often leads to less-than-exceptional encounters with men-folk, I’d like to suggest an amendment: that you lower the bar for who gets a second date.
First dates can be illusory and awkward on both sides, no matter how amazing and sociable the two people actually are. And in my experience you almost never see your date for who she really is after three hours and a goodbye peck. Sure, there are the first dates that end in making out in front of the subway entrance, or the really good ones that don’t end that night at all – but that’s like a 10-to-1 ratio. For the other 9, you might not be wowed; you might only be eh. You might even be, “Ok, cross HIM off the list.” But how many times have you left a first date knowing that you didn’t represent yourself accurately? That you tried too hard to impress, or came across as cold? I’d suggest that the same could be true of your date.
Also, second dates are just way more fun than first dates. You almost always make out, there’s the fun game of will-you or won’t-you go home together, and you’ve already gotten all the bullshit Getting To Know You conversation out of the way, so you can talk about real things. And that’s when you can actually connect.
She Said: One Date Is Enough, Thanks!
Sometimes, you just know that you aren’t attracted to someone. The reasoning behind the one-date rule is to just make super sure that you aren’t overlooking any hope of chemistry or compatibility.
A first date is totally preliminary: you’re checking each other out, seeing how you get along, whether there’s a spark, etc. And, because it’s a first date, there’s sort of an implicit understanding that neither of you are committed yet — it’s a trial. If at the end, you still don’t feel like there’s a chance with someone, you can walk away without hurting each other’s feelings. It didn’t work out, you weren’t feeling it, no big.
A second date, however, means you’re willing to go in deeper. You liked something about Round 1, and you’re ready for Round 2. This is great, if you are in fact intrigued or attracted — but a second date just to make absolutely sure that you don’t like someone? Unnecessary. If the first date didn’t bring you round, the second date is unlikely to.
What do you guys think? How many dates should you go on before you make up your mind about someone?