Because I write about sex and dating, I often get advance copies in the mail from publishers looking to promote a new book. If I’m lucky, these books are collections of genre-specific erotica. I’m always looking for any excuse to read these books (conspicuously on public transportation), but can never justify taking the time. When I received “Girls Who Bite,” Delilah Devlin’s collection of lesbian vampire erotica, however, I finally had my excuse. Reading it, I realized, could improve my sex life.

If you want to have better sex with women, asking a woman who has sex with women can’t hurt. If a woman chooses to lay it all out there for you in the form of a page-turning short story about a teenage vampire girl falling in love with a butch, shape-shifting butterfly, all the better.

You can easily take the two hours and do the research yourself, but here are seven things I learned about sex from reading lesbian vampire erotica. Believe me. This is just the tip of the iceberg.

1. Don’t say “vagina.” Ever.

Lesbian vampires don’t. They say things like “the pink folds of her sex,” instead. The safest thing to do is just find out what euphemism she likes and use that, or just avoid calling it anything all together.

2. Be very gentle (at first)

You really can’t underestimate the power of a light, teasing touch when it comes to making a vamp’s fangs pop. While you probably can’t be as soft as the “sweat trickling down her back over the firm swell of her buttocks,” you should know that sensations like this can really get a woman’s blood pumping.

3. There’s no rush

Listen to Vivi Anna’s description of her witchy protagonist casting a spell in “Bloody Wicked”: “Slowly, I inserted two fingers inside, pumping lazily, in no hurry to find release. I loved to play with myself. The spell would be stronger because of it.” See? Take it slow.

4. There are, like, 80 things you can do to a nipple

Lesbian vampires don’t just pinch. They pull, suckle, flick, roll, nibble, bite, blow on, caress, squeeze, thumb — the list goes on. You can even, in fact, nip a nipple. The point is, if she’s not responding? Try changing up your verb.

5. Tease her

More than one story in “Girls Who Bite” refer to a woman being driven to the point where she is literally begging for orgasm. Being immortal, I suppose, teaches you a thing or two about the art of creating anticipation.

6. Temperature is a sensation, too

The authors in “Girls Who Bite,” talk about heat about as often as they do fangs. Does Lenore simply smooch Evangelina’s backside in “Dark Angel?” Of course not. She “peppers the curve of her ass” with “hot kisses.”

You can use your breath to create sensations that your fingers can’t. Try it.

7. Every little thing counts

In “Al Dente” — the tale of a vampire couple gleefully hunting young, soft, Italian club kids in order to keep the romance alive — author Delphine Dryden suggests a number of factors that may affect the taste of blood. Fear, arousal, adrenaline, youth, and clarity of mind are among them. I didn’t major in literature, but I think it’s safe to draw a parallel between “taste of blood” and “quality of orgasm,” here.

Think about it, guys. Even your best orgasm, which was doubtfully as nuanced as a woman’s, probably wasn’t the result of physical sensation alone. Teasing, acceptance, safety, danger, being in love — all of these things affect the “big moment.” Try talking, eye contact, role play and appealing to other senses besides touch.

 

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