If you’ve been single for a long time, it’s easy to get discouraged. Well-meaning friends will tell you “it will happen eventually,” but after a while, you start to doubt them. You start to just accept as fact that there is something very obviously wrong with you, something undesirable. You don’t lament this fact: after so long, you simply accept it as truth.

Related: Don’t Wait For The Right Person, Become The Right Person

For singletons who have fallen into this trap of thinking, yesterday’s Modern Love column will provide the reassurance that it’s not you. Really, it’s not.

The author, Sara Eckles, chronicles her years spent as a single woman — and how she finally met someone right at the age of 39.

After years of searching, both for a man and for answers, Eckles concludes that ultimately there was nothing she could have done differently to have found someone sooner. She found her person in the end: she’d simply had to wait for the right one.

Related: 5 Perfectly Good Reasons You Might Still Be Single

“What’s wrong with me?”, she writes. “Plenty. But that was never the point.”

Sure, you can do a myriad of things to improve yourself, and consequently your chances in the dating world: your looks, your manners, your attitude. But sometimes, the biggest trait you need to find love is patience.

[Modern Love: Sometimes It's Not You]

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