Editor’s note: All this week we’ll be sharing our most popular posts of the year, in case you missed them the first time around. This post was originally published in October. Enjoy!

You don’t have to be some kind of kinky acrobat to be great in the sack. Most of the tips, tricks and techniques out there that promise to heat things up in the bedroom (e.g. donuts as “pleasure props”) won’t do you much good if you’re not already committed to creative exploration in your own sex life. Once you are, you’ll be able to figure out your own tips, tricks and techniques.

Here are five general suggestions to help you to be more playful, more passionate and more able to figure things out for yourself. The rest is up to you.

1. Enjoy Yourself

This, above all else, is what will make you a better lover — enjoy sex. If you’re not enjoying sex, ask yourself why not. It may be something very simple — like an uncomfortable position or speed — or something more complex that will require some work. Until you make having a good time a priority, though, it won’t get any better.

Related: What Sex Means To Men — 6 Deep Dark Secrets

2. Use Your Imagination

The things you think about when you’re having sex all by yourself will tell you a lot of about what really turns you on. If you tend to use porn for all of your DIY sex needs, try taking a week or so off and using your brain instead. And do it often. Fantasizing is a good way to get clear about what you really like, which is a key factor in enjoying yourself (see above).

Related: The 10 Types of Non-Casual Sex

3. Wait For It

Patience is a virtue. The more build-up there is to sex, the more intense it will be — generally speaking. Give yourself and your partner plenty of time to get all worked up before you go in guns blazing. Mastering this skill alone will make you better at sex than about 50 percent of the sexually active population. (Note: There is nothing wrong with the occasional quickie. Just make sure it’s not a quickie every time.)

Related: 6 Ways To Have Mind-Blowing Sex (Without Having Intercourse)

4. Be All Over Them

There are certain places on a person’s body that you like to put your hands on better than others. Fair enough. Just remember to spread the wealth. Touching your partner’s back, legs, hips, shoulders, neck, face, ears, knees, etc, contributes to an overall body-buzz that leads to more passionate sex and, in some cases, better orgasms.

Related: What Your Favorite Sex Position Really Says About You

5. Don’t Forget To Kiss

Kissing is not just a gateway to sex. It should be happening before, during and after. If you can’t reach your partner’s lips from whatever position you’ve contorted yourselves into, kiss them somewhere. It’s an important reminder that you’re both human beings who are there because they want to be and have some feelings of affection, or at least attraction, toward each other. Specifically.


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