Attention, Everyone: Do Not Keep an Excel Spreadsheet of Everyone You’re Datingby Lilit Marcus on April 18, 2020
Yesterday, the internet was blowing up with a spreadsheet made by a real guy to keep track of all the girls he was interested in dating and how it was going. Some were girls he met online; some were friends; others were introduced to him by his parents. In order to keep them all straight, he put together an Excel spreadsheet listing everything from an appraisal of their looks, the location of where they went on a date, and what date they were scheduled to go out again. As if that wasn’t bad enough, the guy — who has been given the alias “Dave” — was dumb enough to send the spreadsheet to one of the girls in question. Not surprisingly, she chose not to go out with him again. Even less surprisingly, she forwarded the document to all of her friends so they could have a good laugh.
When you’re dating a bunch of people, it’s not a bad idea to keep a mental tally of things you want to remember. After all, it’ll keep you from accidentally calling someone by the wrong name. But where Dave went wrong (besides sharing the document with someone) was the hyper-specific detail. If you think it’s okay to identify someone as “Jappy” or “One and done for me,” that’s not something you should ever put in writing. And I’m willing to bet that while Dave thought it was appropriate to rate womens’ looks on a 1-10 scale, he’d be hurt or offended if a woman called him a 6. Here are some other notes I might make if a) I for some crazy reason dated Dave and b) felt the need to keep a spreadsheet about it:
- Anal-retentive/possible OCD
- Seems obsessed with status and going to trendy date spots (Ace Hotel, Rose Bar)
- Thinks it’s appropriate to contact me via Facebook instead of calling
- Online photo doesn’t match up with in-person appearance
- I get the impression he’s dating other women
Jezebel got ahold of Dave and interviewed him. He said that “I work long days, go to the gym, go out on a couple of midweek dates or what not, get home late…how am I going to remember them? I’m not. So I made the spreadsheets. My comments aren’t malicious or mean. This was an honest attempt to stay organized.” He does admit that sending the spreadsheet to one of the woman was a dumb move, though, which … too late, dude.
Dave also said that he deleted his online dating profile (it was on Match) after he became an internet laughingstock. Dave, we hope you know that online dating wasn’t your problem; it was your obsessive need to critique the women you were dating and then let them find out about it.