For more reasons than I can count, I’m glad I’m not a dude. I thank the good Lord every day he made me a lady while I’m practicing my kissy face in the mirror balancing a book on my head. That’s the stuff that I’m good at, I’ve got it nailed. But being a boy and the stuff that usually comes with it — fixing things, understanding football — scares me.

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I’m also glad I don’t have to crack the chivalry code. Since it’s so confusing and ever-changing, guys are kind of f*cked if they do, f*cked if they don’t. They get eye rolls if they open car doors for girls, but then I hear other girls complaining about how the guy “didn’t even pay for dinner!” What’s a man to do? I have no idea. So glad I don’t have to figure it out, and I can just complain about it. While I’m getting my mani. Amirite, ladies?! Phew!

I think I’m one of those girls who does not want a man to open the car door for her. (It’s just awkward.) When that happens, I am thinking, “do you really think I can’t do that?” It doesn’t make my life a whole lot sweeter to not have to open the car door. If my boyfriend is feeling chivalrous, he’ll stoke the hookah for me before I get home from work or set our dinner table. That’s what melts my heart.

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Modern Man, though, they say they have the final rules on How Chivalrous You Should Be. Their rules? Do guide her through the room at a party, but don’t write her a love letter. (I’m not sure I agree with that last one, I think notes are nice, and if a girl shares them with all her friends, that’s her problem.) Do open the car door for her (eh…), but don’t insist on paying for everything. (Hey, call me a cheap-o, but I love it when anyone pays for me.)

I’m not even saying that my chivalry rules make sense! That is why it sucks so much to be a guy. And the Modern Man piece is definitely an interesting read. It makes you think about your own list of chivalry rules, which is something you should figure out in your head. Even if your own rules confuse the hell out of everyone, including you.

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