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Today, I got an email from a friend/newly minted HowHookup user:

“What’s the etiquette on 2nd messaging girls?  I message someone/ask out, I see they visited my profile, and get no response.  Just let it be or be persistent/”hey maybe you’re just shy but seriously lets go out.’”

Christ, do not message them again!

It’s very important for guys to communicate respect for a woman they’d like to date. Respect her enough to assume that she is capable of reading your message, looking at your profile, and deciding that you’re not the guy for her.

She can make her own decision, and she decided against you: do not presume she’s just shy!

In general on dating sites, radio silence is actually a loud and clear, “No, thanks.” Best to move on and find someone who responds quickly and enthusiastically to your message. Believe me, she’s out there.

If, however, you really really feel like a girl who ignores your first message is making a mistake, and that you know you’d get along perfectly if she’d just give you a chance, then and only then can I condone the sending of a second message.


Don’t beg.

And don’t be too insistent.

Rather, say something self-deprecating about how, yeah, you know this is your second message, but if on the off chance her computer was infected with a virus that ate your original message, or if it got overlooked in the scores of messages she no doubt receives, your offer for that Pac-Man tournament still stands, because you’re pretty sure she won’t find a worthier opponent in the city. (And you’d love to buy her dinner, afterwards.)

Be charming, be funny, and keep it light.

If she still says no, then she’s not the one for you.

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