The Fail Proof Way to Pick Up an Irish Bartenderby Chiara Atik on March 13, 2020
Of course, if he or she is really cute, then every other American in the bar is going to be drunkenly hitting on them, trying to impress them by ordering a Guinness or whatever.
These people are amateurs. If you’re serious about picking up an Irish bartender*, here’s what you do:
1) You watch this goofy TV Show:
It’s about priests living on an island in Ireland. (I know.)
Look, I’m not going to lie to you, it’s pretty broad. If your dad and brother like Monty Python, they would probably guffaw at this. I’ve always personally found it to be very funny, but I’ve also never watched it alone on my computer on the recommendation of some dating writer, so, that might affect your opinion of it.
It’s available on Netflix Instant.
It’s also disjointedly on YouTube.
If you can only bear to watch one episode, make it the Christmas Special (“A Christmassy Ted”).
2) Go to an Irish Pub
Do not order a Guinness!! That is trying too hard. Then you will look like a crazy celtophile. Don’t say “Are you from Ireland or something?” to the bartender. They get this 10 times a day. Also, you’re going to be bringing up an Irish TV show in a bit, so don’t make any premature references to James Joyce or Once or anything.
3) The Pick-Up
Wait with your drink by the bar until he/she has a free moment, and then…
You: Hey, can I ask you a dorky question?
Amenable Bartender Who is Humoring you: Yeah, sure.
You: You probably get this a lot…
[Note: No, they don't get this a lot.]
Amenable Bartender Who is Humoring You: Okay…
You: Do you watch Father Ted?
Amenable Bartender Who is Now Completely Delighted: Father Ted?! That’s my favorite show!
You: Ahhh, me too, and no one here has seen it! What’s your favorite episode?
Amenable Bartender Who Could Talk About This All Night: Probably the one with the sheep. Dougal is so funny!
You: I know! Ah, Dougal!
Etc, etc, etc.
The bartender will be thrilled that someone else has heard of what is inevitably his or her favorite show from the 90s, you’ll stand out for having such cool taste in Irish broad comedy, and the ice will be broken. Invite them over to watch the show, if you want. They’ll probably say yes. Bringing up Father Ted to an Irish bartender is the equivalent of shooting them with cupid’s arrow.
Don’t Believe Me?
Seriously, I’ve been using this line since 2020 and the only time it’s ever let me down is when the bartender turned out to be from Ohio. (But he talked like he had an accent??)
I’ve made money on this line, by betting to friends that it would work. Ask the HowHookup team! I used it on an Irish waiter during a meeting once. I’ve used it on female Irish bartenders, just to see if they also liked Father Ted. I’ve used it to chat-up an entire group of Irish grad students in London.
I’m telling you, it won’t fail you.
If you go out on St. Patrick’s Day, you’ll likely go to an Irish Pub at some point. Test the line out, and let me know how it works.
If, for some reason, it backfires, well, then, the Guinness is on me.
But it won’t. This line is gold.
*This only works with Irish bartenders who aren’t in Ireland.