The Follow-Up Text: Do You Send One After a Date?by Chiara Atik on February 21, 2020
Here’s a weirdly controversial topic: follow-up text messages post-date. I say “Do it!” But apparently, lots of other people say “Are you crazy?? Don’t!”
My whole dating life, I’ve sent follow-up texts after good dates. It’s sort of my way of saying, “Yes, that went well, you have permission to ask me out again, unless I ask you out first.” I don’t just do it with dates, I do it with friends, too: it just seems natural, after I’ve had an amazing time with someone, to let them know, and say thank you. If I don’t send a thank you text after a first date (or don’t reply to one I receive), it’s my way of (gently) blowing someone off.
The text will usually say something like, “I had fun today – hope we can do it again, soon.” So, it’s not a text that begs for an immediate response, and it’s not like I’m pressuring them into making plans right away. And — here’s where it gets controversial — I often send the text right when I get home from a date.
I think that this is just good manners, but recently a lot of people have expressed dismay at my penchant for sending follow-up texts.
“You sent him a text an hour later?” one of my friends asked me recently, when we met for a post-date drink and analysis. “Hmmm. Not that this should be a dealbreaker, but some people might be a little freaked out by that. I’ve definitely dated guys where that’s been the case.”
“Never send a guy a text on the same night of your date!” A different friend admonished me. “Way too soon!”
Is texting someone after a date to let them know you had a nice time that much of a dealbreaker?
It seems silly to me that something as innocuous as a polite text message (the 2020 equivalent of a Thank You note?) could have such severe ramifications. I’m pretty sure that if a guy had a nice time with me, he’d be happy to hear that I had a nice time, too, and if he didn’t like me, a text isn’t going to make things significantly worse.
On my end, I love hearing from guys at the end of a great date – these are the texts that I save in my inbox and read over and over again throughout the week. (TMI?)
But if a follow-up text isn’t standard, should I refrain from sending one after my next date? Do you guys send them? Do you wait a day or so? (My problem with that is that then the text always seems a little out of the blue, and I have to strategize about the best time to send it, and so sending one right away just seems easiest.)